Blessed Memories
by devinsnama
Summary: Harm and Mac remember some of the bad times in their relationship


TITLE-Blessed Memories AUTHOR-devinsnama mysweets530@hotmail.com RATING-G SPOILERS- Seasons 2-6 DISCLAIMERS-I don't own them, I'm just borrowing them for a little entertainment. They belong to DPB, I will return them when I'm done. I don't own the songs either. They belong to Miss Patsy Cline. SUMMARY-Harm and Mac remember some of the bad times in their relationship. FEEDBACK-feedback would be appreciated. NOTE- Written April 26, 2003 also in this story there was never a Renee. ============================================================================ ========  
  
JANUARY 3, 2007 0015 LOCAL BESINGERS RESTAURANT  
  
The partners had been together for many years now, and they were celebrating the anniversary of their partnership, with an evening of dining and dancing. Most of the JAG family had come to help them celebrate this occasion, and the evening had been full of fun and laughter.  
  
Bud and Harriet had come back from Hawaii, where Lt. Cmdr. Bud Roberts had been reassigned three years earlier. Harriet had resigned her commission so she could be a full time mother to their four children.  
  
Admiral Chegwidden had finally decided to retire come the spring so he could finally spend some time with his wife Meredith and their adopted twin teenage sons.  
  
The evening had started to wind down and many of the well wishers were getting ready to leave and call it a night. Finally all were gone except the two partners, as they sat close together they began to talk about all the good times they had experienced together when Harm asked Mac to dance with him.  
  
The song was a slow tune, and as they danced the words of the song, and the discussions of the night started to draw Mac into the memories of the past. This time however instead of remembering the good times, she started to recall the first time that Harm had left her feeling totally alone.  
  
I can't forget you I got these memories of you I can't forget you I'll always be loving you  
  
============================FLASHBACK===================================== MAY 24, 1999 MAC' APARTMENT 2100 LOCAL  
  
"Well, Jordan and I had a fight", Harm says as he tries to explain his appearance at Mac's door.  
  
"Let me guess. She wants a commitment." Macs replies.  
  
"How'd you know that?"  
  
"Well, its what every woman wants, I guess. So what . . . you're not ready to commit?"  
  
"Well . . . the rules of engagement have changed, Mac."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I had eye surgery. I got my night vision back."  
  
"What? . . . When did this happen?"  
  
"Couple weeks ago."  
  
"You had a major operation and you didn't tell me?"  
  
"Triple bypass is a major operation, Mac. Eye surgery is like having your teeth cleaned."  
  
"I tell you when I'm going to the dentist."  
  
"Well . . . I wasn't sure how it would work out . . . frankly."  
  
"But it did?"  
  
"Like a dream."  
  
"Oh. . . . So what now? . . . You thinking about trying to return to a fighter squadron?"  
  
"I spent my life preparing to be a navel aviator, Mac."  
  
"Yah, except three years in law school and four years as a JAG."  
  
"I ah . . . I put my request into Admiral Cheggwidden today, to return to active flight status."  
  
"YOU CAN'T DO THAT"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because if you do, it would mean that . . . Flying is more important to you than JAG. It's more important to you than Jordan. It's more important to you than . . . Than everything."  
  
"Wow. I thought you of all people would know how much flying means to me."  
  
"I do . . I do Harm . . . But this is the last thing . . . That I need right now."  
  
A few days later Mac is in Harm's office waiting for him to come to say goodbye. She is sitting in his chair with her arms crossed as he enters his office.  
  
"Did you think you'd sneak away without saying goodbye?" she asked.  
  
"Why goodbye and not good luck?"  
  
"Didn't I say that to you once, when I was stupid enough to leave JAG?"  
  
"Yes you did."  
  
"You said you were happy for me."  
  
"I was . . But that was different. You were in love."  
  
"And you're not?"  
  
"What does love have to do with anything?"  
  
"Hey", he says as he wipes the tear away with his thumb.  
  
As the tear falls down her cheek she remembers how soft and tender his touch was. The memory of his tender touch had become part her.  
  
"Hey you um . . Want me to water your plants while your gone?"  
  
"I don't have any plants"  
  
"Damn it . . . I have so much I want to say to you but . . . But I can't . . . but I can't find the words."  
  
"I know."  
  
Then Mac remembers the hug that they shared. Forever ingrained in her memory, her heart, and her soul. ===========================END FLASHBACK===================================  
  
As Mac mind finally came back to the present, Harm had been softly singing the words of the song into her ear without realizing it. She continued to listen to the words as she started to recall the past once more.  
  
Once we were happy We were so care free and gay Then something happened And you went away  
  
I can't forget you Please tell me what must I do My memories haunt me Because I'll always love you ===================================FLASHBACK================================ ===  
  
Harm was on the Patrick Henry following his dream of flying. He had been gone for several months now and she was missing her partner more than she let on, and even more that cared to admit to herself.  
  
They had exchanged a few emails but only discussed his roommate, Skates and a few stories about how he was happy doing what he felt he was meant to do. Mac would tell him about some of the antics Bud was doing in the courtroom, "something his mentor would be proud of", as Mac put it. She knew that would bring a smile to his face. Mac also would tell him how big their godson was getting, and how she wished he could see how beautiful their godchild was. =======================END FLASHBACK==========================================  
  
Where are you darling Are you with someone new I can't forget you I'll always be loving you  
  
Mac was so deep in thought, that she hadn't heard Harm call her name several times as the song had ended, she was still in the past, her lonely past.  
  
As she comes back to the present, Harm put his arm around her and escorted her back to their table, where they had spent the evening with all their close friends in celebration. As Harm looked at Mac he could tell that her mood had changed. She seemed to appear a little lonely or maybe she just seemed to be far away from him, deep in thought.  
  
"Mac?". . . Mac?". . .Sarah? Are you alright? Do you want to leave?" he asked with much concern in his voice.  
  
"What?" . . "Oh Harm. I'm sorry. The words to the song just brought back some memories from the past that's all. I'm sorry if I upset you or had you worried."  
  
"Are you sure you're alright Sarah? If you want to leave it's alright with me I won't mind."  
  
"No Harm, I'm fine. I promise I'm all right. Let's continue with our celebration. It has been a wonderful partnership hasn't it?"  
  
"Yes Sarah. Yes it has. And I hope it never ends."  
  
"The evening or the partnership?" Mac says with a giggle in her voice.  
  
As Harm reaches for her hand, he looks into her beautiful brown eyes and says in a very soft voice "Both Sarah. I don't want neither of them to end."  
  
After a few minutes of silent communication with their eyes, Harm stands and takes Mac back to the dance floor for another dance. He wanted another reason to hold his partner close to him again. He loved how she felt in his arms, she made him feel complete but he could never explain to her how he felt. He was always afraid of losing her again. As the song started Harm started to listen to the words that this time sent his thoughts back to the past.  
  
Yes, I understand That I'm to set you free Yes, I understand You love him more than me I understand He won your heart Stole your love Drove us apart I understand, and so I'll let you go =========================FLASHBACK==========================================  
  
OCTOBER 12, 1999 JAG HQDS FALLS CHURCH, VA  
  
Harm walks off the elevator and into the bullpen. He is approached by a face he has not seen before. He then realizes it must be the new Gunny that Mac had mentioned in one of their few emails they had exchanged while he was on the Henry.  
  
He then reports to the Admiral in the conference room where everyone is talking and laughing but for some reason he just doesn't seem to feel at home anymore. He goes into his office, out of habit, without realizing that it is not his office anymore it is Mic's office now. And Mac is also now his partner. It then becomes all to clear to him, the life he had at JAG is no longer, and that he has to come to terms with that if he wants to remain there.  
  
FEBRUARY 2000 SYDNEY HARBOUR  
  
His mind then recalls that fateful night on the ferry in Australia. How he wished he had explained his feelings as well as his fears more clearly, so Mac would have never had any doubts as to his feelings or his intentions. But it was not to be. The next day at the airport Harm saw the ring. The ring that said she belonged to another. She was not to be his. He would never know the joy of her touch or the taste of her lips. He would never be able to tell her that he loved her. Mac was gone and now he had to let her go as well.  
  
Ten months later, while Harm is introducing his former partner Kate Pike to Mac, Harriet notices that Mac's ring is no longer on her right hand and questions whether she has removed it. It is then that Mac shows her that it is now on her left hand.  
  
Harm looks and realizes that all is lost, and he cannot find the words he knows he should say to her. They share a few glances, both of sorrow and loss. Both make eye contact once again for a brief moment, and then go about their business knowing nothing will be the same between them again. ===================END FLASHBACK=========================================  
  
I tried my best To do the things I thought Would please you dear I never dreamed The time would come When you would not be there  
  
Yes, I understand What I'm supposed to do Find me someone else To take the place of you And if I live a hundred years I'll find some way To hide these tears I Understand And so I'll let you go  
  
The dance comes to an end and as the two partners return once again to their table they become aware of the strange feeling that is now between them. Both have once again become acquainted with the feeling of loss that had once plagued them. Harm becomes the first to speak about the change from a celebration to one of dread and despair.  
  
"Mac, can I ask you something? Something serious?"  
  
"Sure Harm what is it?"  
  
"What is this thing between us, this what ever it is that just won't let go. It just seems to hang on, and hang on?"  
  
"I don't know Harm. We both know that there is something between us, but we are both afraid to explore it to find out where it would lead us. Or maybe we're just afraid of where it will lead us."  
  
"Mac, after ten years and lets just say enough bumps in our relationship, as best-friends and partners, that is may not be worth risking it all to find out. I don't think I want to risk everything we have for what we might have. In the end we could lose it all."  
  
"I know Harm, but I really think we owe it to ourselves to really think about it. The reason neither of us can be happy with anyone else, could be we already have someone else in our hearts."  
  
"I know what your trying to say Mac, but I still don't think I am ready to take the chance of losing my best friend and partner, whom mean so much more to me than I can ever express, for a lover."  
  
As another song started Mac got up and said with a smile on her face "Harm dance with again. I want you to hold me, hold me so close that we can feel our hearts beat."  
  
Harm got up without taking his eyes of her led her to the dance floor once more. As the song started Mac recognized it immediately. It was the song she heard on the way home from her engagement party to Mic. Of all the songs in the world why did they play this once she thought to herself.  
  
He takes me too The places you and I used to go He tells me over and over That he loves me so He gives me love That I never got from you He loves me too His love is true Why can't he be you  
  
He never fails To call and tell me I'm on his mind And I'm lucky To have such a guy I hear it all the time And he does all the things That you would never do He loves me too His love is true Why can't he be you ===========================FLASHBACK======================================== =======  
  
MAY 8, 2001 MACS APARTMENT 0130 LOCAL  
  
They had spent most of the evening on the Admiral's front porch. It was her engagement party to Mic Brumby, but she was on the porch with the man she wanted, but neither of them would admit it. They spent most of the evening reminiscing about their times together. They remembered how they first met in the rose garden, and how she thought Harm didn't like her.  
  
Harm then reminded her that it was she who was unfriendly at the beginning, not him. Then he remembered how he saved her life in the mountains, when she was shot in the leg. But then of course she reminded him about Columbia and Russia. They recalled the time when the Admiral sent them to the Watertown. It was one of their bumpy times and things never looked so bad to them. That was until Harm was injured and while Mac was trying to report it she also became a victim of the deranged corpsman.  
  
They had discussed how Mic's first case was the court martial of Mac and John Farrow. The Admiral decided to let Harm defend Mac and Mic to defend Farrow. When Mic tried to shift the blame to Mac he recalled how furious he was and how much he wanted to beat him to a pulp. Then Harm told Mac that Mic was right.  
  
"Right about what " she asked.  
  
"That some people love you" he replied.  
  
"What people?"  
  
Then they talked about holding back and making things harder than they had to be. Mac admitted that Harm had some one who loved him, and Harm admitted that she had someone who would always love her. Suddenly enough was enough and Mac leaned in to kiss him. Harm responded immediately and returned her kiss, but with more passion than either of them had thought possible. After they separated they went inside to join the party. Both knew deep inside that the fire stilled burned, and would until they did something about it. ===================END FLASHBACK===============================================  
  
He's not the one Who dominates my mind and soul And I should love him so Cause he loves me I know But his kisses Leave me cold He sends me flowers Calls on the hour Just to prove his love And my friends say When he's around I'm all he speaks of And he does all the things That you would never do Why can't he be you  
  
After the dance was through Harm took Mac back to their table and got ready to leave. He held her coat while she gracefully slipped into it, and as she did he ran his across her shoulders. He loved any contact he could get. Her touch always had an effect on him, sometimes a little to much and he would quickly excuse himself until his body would no longer betray him.  
  
Their ride to Mac's apartment was done in comfortable silence, as both were going over all their memories of the evening. They arrived at Mac's place and he came around to open the door for her. She enjoyed it when he did these small little things, because it was these actions that made her feel more like a woman and less like a marine.  
  
"Let me walk you upstairs Sarah." he asked softly.  
  
"Why don't you come in for a cup of coffee then." she responded.  
  
"Don't mind if I do."  
  
Harm took her by the hand as he walked her to her door. He put out his hand to her for her key and unlocked the door to her apartment.  
  
"Thanks Harm" she said "Always the gentleman, aren't we."  
  
"We aim to please. Especially when the lady is as beautiful as you Sarah."  
  
Once inside he closed the door and he looked into her eyes and took her into his arms once more. After the kiss she went into the kitchen and started the water for coffee.  
  
Harm went to her stereo while she busied herself in the kitchen and put the radio on, soft and low. As Harm looked up from to couch where he was sitting he watched her going about making their coffees. She is a vision of pure loveliness, he thought, and he felt his desire for her growing inside him again.  
  
She came into the living room both of the coffees on a tray and Harm took one of the cups. He then patted the spot next to him, he wanted her to sit beside him. She sat beside him and he put his arm around her again. They both sat there for several minutes without a word just enjoying each other. When they were done with their coffees Harm got up to leave when he heard a song on the radio. He went over and turned it up so they could hear it better, and put his hand out for her to take it so they could enjoy another dance together.  
  
As Harm took her in his arms again their eyes met. He looked deep into her soul and said to her softly "Sarah this song says how I feel about you. I know I am not good at expressing my feelings in words, but let me do it in song." With his lips next to her ear he began singing the song to her.  
  
I'll be loving you, Always With a love that's true, Always When the things you plan Need a helping hand I'll understand, Always, Always  
  
Things may not be fair, Always That's when I'll be there, Always Not for just an hour Not for just a day Not for just a year But always  
  
Harm held her tightly and closed his eyes, His heart was busting and he just had to let her know, he had to let her know how he felt, and he had to tell her tonight. No more hiding from his feelings for this beautiful woman he held in his arms. No more fears of losing what he wanted most, tonight was the night he had to let her know, "Harmon Rabb was in love with Sarah MacKenzie."  
  
Things may not be fair, Always That's when I'll be there, Always Not for just an hour Not for just a day Not for just a year But Always  
  
The song had ended and as Harm started to let go of Sarah he looked into her eyes. He leaned down and gave Sarah a gentle kiss on her lips. As he pulled away he put his hand gently on her cheek.  
  
"Sarah I told you earlier tonight that I didn't want to risk our friendship and partnership, because it meant everything to me. But I was wrong. Sarah I realize that as much as try to deny it, I can't anymore. I am in love with you Sarah MacKenzie, and I don't want to go another day with out letting you know it. I want everyone to know it."  
  
"Harm do you really mean it? Do you really love me?' "Yes Sarah. I do mean it. And I want the privilege and honor to show you every day how much I love you. How much I adore you."  
  
"Oh Harm, how I've waited to hear you say those words to me. I have long since given up hope of ever being loved by you. Harm I never want to be with out you in my life. You are my life, my soul, my heart."  
  
That night they sat on he couch and talked about everything that they felt for each other, and all the things they had waited all these years to tell each other finally was said. Finally in the early hours of the morning Harm woke up and carried his Sarah into the bedroom. He laid her gently on the bed and covered her with the blankets. She felt him put her on the bed and as he covered her she took his hand.  
  
"Stay with me Harm." she asked.  
  
"Sarah darling, I love you, and I would love to sleep beside you. But I know if stay tonight I will never want to leave again, and I want you and me to be right. I want us right. We will talk to the Admiral in the morning and make him understand how we feel. Once we get his approval and there is no longer a problem for us, I want to court you. I want to give you what no man has ever given you. I want to give you the respect you deserve as a woman and even more so, the woman I love. I want to wait for us to be man and wife before we share a bed Sarah. You deserve that, and I promise you, you will get it."  
  
"I love you Harm. So much. And I want to thank you for loving me. I am the luckiest woman in the world, to be loved by a man such as you."  
  
And with a last kiss on her forehead Harm left her room and lock up as he left. He felt as light as a feather. He was in love with the woman of his dreams and she knew he loved her.  
  
The Admiral had given his official approval of their relationship, and to save time Harm also made him aware that his intentions were to make her his wife. The Admiral was pleased that one of his final duties would be to exercise "Admirals Privilege" so the Harm and Mac could stay on at JAG.  
  
His other duty was to walk Sarah down the isle to her husband to be on their wedding day. As she walked down the isle Harm was spellbound. Captured by her beauty, he realized she was even more beautiful today than she was yesterday. He could not believe that such a beauty had agreed to be his wife. Truly the gods were smiling on him today.  
  
The vows were said and the rings exchanged. They received best wishes and congratulations from all their friends. Their first dance as husband and wife was the same one he sang to her the night he admitted to her that he loved her. While they danced it was like they were the only two people in the world and no one else existed.  
  
Several hours later Harm and Sarah left all their friends behind as they left to start their new life together as Captain and Mrs. Harmon Rabb, Jr. It was on their second anniversary of their new partnership that Sarah told her husband that now they would be a new kind of partnership. In seven short months they were going to be blessed with a child. A child born of their true and abiding love for one another.  
  
THE END 


End file.
